Dating against body type

Visions of Woods, Jessie James , Mark Sanford , John Edwards and others came to mind -- along with the similar stories of countless patients over the years. George began by telling me that "She was standing off by herself during a conference break, leaning against a wall, sipping coffee. Suddenly we found ourselves talking, feeling like we had known each other for years. Another one sounding a bit more "strategic" came from Jan, a 41 year-old lawyer. She told me that her affair was a " marriage stabilizer But cultural attitudes have clearly shifted to-wards acceptance of affairs.

Based on my work over the decades, I find six kinds of affairs that people have today. People make their choices, but I think a non-judgmental description of these six kinds of affairs but with a tinge of humor can help people deal with them with greater awareness and responsibility. John and Kim met through work, and felt a strong physical attraction. John was separated; Kim, married. They felt powerless to resist the pull. We ended up in bed, as well as a lot of other places!

It was wonderful," John added, with a big grin. The liberating and compelling feeling from this kind of affair, though, can mask hidden emotional conflicts. The lust affair is often short-lived, and passion can slide downhill pretty fast as the excitement declines or un-derground emotional issues surface again.

Eventually, that became a turn-off. Rachel began realizing the depth of her anger and resentment towards her husband after years of an unhappy marriage. She had long felt unaffirmed, ignored, and disregarded by him. His adamant refusal to go to couples therapy pushed her into acting upon her anger. Rachel told me that a previous therapy had helped her recognize her collusion in becoming so subordinate in the marriage.

She subsequently discovered that the man was only interested in a narcissistic conquest, and he quickly dumped her. Eventually, she realized that beneath her anger was a desire for a man who would really recognize her, who could "see" her, as her father never did.

But before that awakening occurred, she suffered, and she still had to deal with the reality of her marriage and how to heal her own trauma. Consider Paul and Linda. They became very close working together on a volunteer project. Paul was married, and Linda was divorced but living with a boyfriend. They found they had much in common -- a similar outlook on life and a spiritual compatibility as well.

They enjoyed talking and looking forward to time together. They spoke on the phone frequently and lingered around afterward working on the project. Soon they realized that a very intimate and emotionally close bond had developed.

It definitely felt like much more than just a friendship. Linda, who was my patient, said that neither of them wanted to disrupt or leave their primary relationship, or "mess it up. Bill thought this was fail-safe, because no one would suspect. Suddenly they were in the midst of an affair that neither wanted to end. They thought they could keep it secret; that neither would make any demands on the other and it would be perfectly safe.

If you think that was naive, it was. Most "family" affairs are interwoven with family dysfunctions and buried resentments. Neither Bill nor Tina, his sister-in-law, looked seriously at the issues in their respective marriages or inter-locked families; or even how dangerous it was. One of their spouses eventually discovered the incriminating e-mails, and the family affair quickly turned into a family nightmare. We humans are experts at creating illusions for ourselves.

The available partner believes that the other really will leave his or her spouse, given enough time and patience. Jane, divorced for several years, began seeing a married man. Ninety percent of the time it never happens. Jane eventually realized that her lover never had any intention of leaving. In fact, he had had multiple affairs throughout his marriage. Right away, they felt a strong, mutual con-nection. The "mind-body" affair is highly threatening to a marriage because it feels so "right.

The upside is that the new relationship often proves to be the right match for the couple. Nevertheless, it generates all the mixed consequences that all affairs produce, especially when children are involved. Learning From Affairs You might assume that you can isolate your affair from the rest of your life. Or, you might not give much thought to its consequences. The positive feelings of affirmation and restored vitality generated by an affair can activate the courage to leave a marriage when doing so is healthiest decision for both yourself and your partner.

It springboarded them into greater emotional honesty and mature action. Of course, you have to be honest with yourself, here, and not rationalize yourself into hav-ing the affair while postponing necessary action. An affair can spur you to confront what you really want from your existing partner and motivate you to try creating it.

Larry, a journalist, had an affair for nearly four years. After an argument with his lover one day, he realized he was beginning to feel much of the same irritation and sexual boredom that he felt towards his wife. He saw that he wanted to experience what he did during the affair And there are plenty of consequences -- for yourself, your children, your existing relationship. But if you fool yourself about the reasons for your affair and what it may set in motion, you can squander irreplaceable years, trapped within illusions and rationalizations.

When it all comes crashing down, loneliness and emptiness may be all that remains. You can become more conscious of your actions, and use that awareness to deal maturely with their consequences. Or yes, you can remain unconscious


Women come in all shapes and sizes, but which body type do men prefer: Kim Kardashian curves and an ample bust, or a willowy supermodel physique? Describing body type on dating sites? Granted I may get missed in searches that eliminate 'body type'. But I have a couple of full body pictures. So anyone can see my body shape and decide for themselves. I am really athletic, but don't fit 'athletic' being overweight. But didn't like 'overweight' because of how athletic I am, always active.

Total 2 comments.
#1 30.08.2018 в 23:33 Avrash-Yakov:
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#2 09.09.2018 в 07:14 Crazydesiman:
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